Driving around Monterrey, Mexico. the taxi driver glances at me through the mirror. although I stare back at him he doesn’t stop. he repeats it a couple of more times, getting slightly embarrassed as I catch him.
taxi driver: I mean, it’s not that I want to be rude or anything.. I don’t usually watch people like this, but when you stepped into the car I really thought you were a guy…
me: and now?
taxi driver: I don’t think that anymore. but you know? no offense.
me: it’s not an offense.
(silence for a couple of minutes)
me: what makes you think I am not a guy?
taxi driver: your voice… your lips. you don’t have facial hair…
me: I have hormonal problems.
taxi driver: oh… you know… I didn’t want to offend you.
me: why do you think it’s so important to know whether someone is a man or a woman?
taxi driver: It’s different treatment. with a woman you are always more gentle.
me: what for?
taxi driver: well… she’s a lady.
me: not all of them. some men are ladies too.
(I laugh. he laughs too)
taxi driver: of course, but I don’t want to sleep with them.
me: so do you treat women as ladies because you want to sleep with them?
taxi driver: I mean… not always. but with women you have to be a gentleman.
me: well, you “have to” be a gentleman, women “have to” be nice and friendly. And
they smile at you when you talk.
taxi driver: not always…
me: women cannot open their legs when they are seated, they cannot fart in public,
if they scream out loud they are crazy bitches, they don’t make noise, they wear
sexy clothes and they always shave and have nice smells.
taxi driver: this is what makes them very feminine, this is why we are crazy about them.
me: who told you that shit?
taxi driver: you don’t like feminine women?
(looking outside the window)
me: I love women, but I think that feminine thing is very much invented. like the
gentleman… like the macho!
(I make a gesture with my muscled arm. he is thinking of something to say)
me: you check whether I am a man or woman to know if you need to treat me nice
or normal, in order to see how many chances you have to pick me up.
me: I think that’s all very much invented.
(he looks at me in the mirror again)
me: I know what you are thinking, you think I’m gay.
taxi driver: I cannot think anything else, man… sorry.
(he makes a gesture of irony)
me: I am gay. I love women.
me: look, when you think of a really beautiful woman, let’s say you are masturbating
to the hottest woman… what do you see? somebody like Pamela Anderson?
taxi driver: Megan Fox.
me: Megan Fox… ok. dark hair, blue eyes, tall, well toned body, good abs, shaved
legs, big red lips… do you think that women are like this in ‘natural’ state?
taxi driver: hell no, check my wife!
(we both laugh, I have to laugh. seriously)
me: there is no woman like that in natural state. so what are you fantasizing about?
this thing that you imagine, it doesn’t exist!
taxi driver: of course it exists.
me: in the movies! but she was not like that all the time. she became that… like all the other “beautiful” (making air quotes with the fingers) women that we see in the ads. it’s all an invention.
taxi driver: we are in the matrix and nothing is what it seems…
taxi driver: ya, I saw this coming…
me: when you looked at me you said you thought I was a guy, and then you thought I was not. what made you think I was a guy?
taxi driver: the clothes, the hair…
me: yes. and if I was wearing a dress you wouldn’t think I am a guy, would you?
taxi driver: it depends. certainly not if you are hairy with a beard.
me: but what if I am a woman, and I am still dressing like I am?
me: what if I am a guy and I am wearing a dress?
what if I am a woman and I have a beard?
taxi driver: it would be obvious.
me: yes, easily recognizable… like you thought I was a guy.
taxi driver: yes, I see you are gay… but from the other type.
me: haha, that’s the best thing I’ve heard this week! (I laugh). but do you see my
taxi driver: I see what you are trying to do. you are trying to convince me that femininity is invented.
me: no, no, no… I’m not trying to do anything. but femininity IS invented: you want
to know if I am a guy or a woman to treat me like a lady or not, possibly for picking
me up… (he laughs loudly). the radar needs to check whether someone is a man or
a woman, and immediately starts to behave accordingly. gentlemen pick up ladies.
ladies get picked up by gentlemen. gentlemen don’t pick up guys… Megan Fox
doesn’t exist: femininity is as much invented as heterosexuality!
taxi driver: haha, that is also the best thing I’ve heard this week.
Illustration by Judy Mièl